To Love, Die First

To Love, Die First

You should die to your yesterday, to your hurts and to your upsets. The art of dying is a path of living, 

What is your advice to people who are about to get married on how to nurture their relationship?

Guruji : Many relationships don’t work because of the way most people relate to each other. Instead of giving importance to ‘we’, the man and woman give importance to ‘i’ and ‘me’. In the process, personal boundaries get defined. When boundaries get defined, you get very righteous about it. If two boundaries get married, two islands get created. Each island wants the other island to submit. The only place where the boundary appears to disappear is in a sexual relationship. When your senses are aroused, you lose your mind. There is self-forgetfulness because of the intensity of your feeling. In such a state, boundaries and islands appear to go away. There is deep intimacy and boundary-less existence for a short while. But the moment your act gets over, boundaries and islands reappear. You once again get into the ‘you-cater-to me’ mode.


If a relationship has to be successful, the couple has to drop all boundaries. If you are willing to drop the boundary of body in a sexual act, you should also be willing to drop the boundaries of emotion and self. Like Shiva and Parvati who unite to become Ardhanarishwara — half-woman, half-man — you, too, should be willing to become one. Then your marriage will be successful.

It often happens that when two people get married, the man expects the wife to fill his void and the wife expects her husband to fill her void. Problems arise when you expect your partner to meet your expectations. Don’t treat your partner as a toothbrush to clean yourself. The partner is not an object to be used. The couple should relate to each other at an individual level. When you do that, you become a ‘trans-person’ — you go beyond the person. You both become two energies and fuse into one like Shiva and Parvati. From the person-to-person stage, you graduate to being a trans-person. That’s how your relationship should progress. The couple should have the patience and perseverance to do that.

Om Namah Shivay