When Care Destroys Love-1
Have you ever dreaded approaching your partner to talk about even something as simple as what you wish to do over the weekend? And then played the conversation in your head over and over again before speaking to him (or her)? Only because you don’t know how he or she will react. Or more importantly, you fear they’ll react most unfavorably, get mad at you or even throw tantrums.
If you have then you must be familiar with that churning feeling in yourstomach. When you feel that obnoxious hollowness in your tummy, that sinking feeling as if you are on the roller-coaster that’s going down a breakneck speed. You hear your heartbeat loud and clear, you suddenly feel low and down. Then you slip into excessive worrying. How will he or she take it this time, how will you cope with their reaction? So on and so forth. You tremble at the thought of broaching the topic.
And then you wait and wait. You wait for that “perfect moment” to talk to them. You hope that they’ll listen to you this time, so you may really speak your heart out without worrying about their reaction. You keep playing the tape in your head because you want to be careful with your words, you love him or her and you don’t want to hurt them, but you also want to voice your feelings. You prepare yourself mentally for their outburst but nothing prepares you, really. They don’t react any differently. You walk away feeling the same as always — unheard, guilty, low and hurt.
If you know what I mean then let me tell you that you need help. But, it’s your partner who’s emotionally troubled or obsessed, you say. Of course. Yet still, you need help. You have taken upon yourself the unrealistic job of managing the feelings of the other person. Rather than making them understand that they are responsible for their conduct and emotions, you have burdened yourself by thinking that your actions can fix your partner’s feelings. Big mistake.
In a healthy relationship, two people are there for each other but they take care of themselves too. They understand that they must take responsibility for their own lives. When this responsibility shifts on the shoulder of just one partner, such a relationship is doomed. It’s neither sustainable nor practical. It’s not even right, if you ask me.
Om Namah Shivay
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