Are you Respectful ?-2
Unconditional Regard and Respect
It’s always refreshing and somehow uplifting to meet ‘someone’ who never loses his or her respect for others. Regardless of the past actions of ‘the other person’ or the history of the relationship, it’s as if it doesn’t matter what the other person says or does, that ‘someone’ never loses respect for that person. They can still see the inherent good and the worthiness of the individual, regardless of any mistakes made, crimes committed or insults thrown. They can even see beyond what seems to be dark personality traits to a place within the other that is prior to personality, and is without any distortion. Not exactly something that most of us are taught!
It’s always refreshing and somehow uplifting to meet ‘someone’ who never loses his or her respect for others. Regardless of the past actions of ‘the other person’ or the history of the relationship, it’s as if it doesn’t matter what the other person says or does, that ‘someone’ never loses respect for that person. They can still see the inherent good and the worthiness of the individual, regardless of any mistakes made, crimes committed or insults thrown. They can even see beyond what seems to be dark personality traits to a place within the other that is prior to personality, and is without any distortion. Not exactly something that most of us are taught!
They remind us that not only is it possible to separate the individual from their behavior i.e. ‘what they are’ from ‘what they do’ (or have done), but how the consistent maintenance of respect can influence and empower the other to change their ways. There are now numerous examples of hardened criminals who have reformed their violent and disrespectful behaviors after spending time with someone who has shown them unconditional regard. Antisocial youths respond in the same way in the sustained company of a mentor who gives them complete and consistent unconditional respect and regard.
In one particular penitentiary (Dade County, Miami), over ten years ago, the breakout rate, levels of conflict and drug abuse were the highest of all penitentiaries in the US. In came a new Governor who sent all prison staff on ‘customer service’ training. When they returned the Governor asked them to treat the prisoners as if they were customers! Two years later the penitentiary had the lowest break out, lowest conflict levels and drug abuse rates. All down to one idea, one word, one shift in perception, that lead to a change in attitude. Respect. Instead of seeing the prisoners in a negative light based on their attitudes or histories, they began to acknowledge and affirm the innate dignity and worth of the human being. It transformed the culture of an institution.
Disrespect as Entertainment
What we seldom notice is what happens within us the moment we create a negative judgment of another. It’s a form of attack. We are not aware that it’s not them that is sabotaging our capacity to extend respect, it’s our attack, in the form of our judgment, that sabotages our ability to respect them, to value them.
Om Namah Shivay
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