When They Trigger Anger in You-1

When They Trigger Anger in You-1

Do you contain your anger or does anger contain you? Who's resting on whom?

The other day a reader emailed me asking what to do when someone triggers anger in you? Even though, I've scribbled a fair bit on anger in the past, here's some more because the whole world seems to be suffering from it. Everyone experiences anger and people can get ticked off over trivial issues.

Many are angry at their past, some are angry at their present. Many are mad at their partners, some are fried with their parents, others are angry at their children, some at their siblings and so on. Some rare few are angry at everything and everyone. No matter whether you express your anger or keep it within, either way it hurts. And the more it hurts, the angrier you get and that in turn leads to even more bitterness.

To be honest with you, there's no easy way of controlling your anger. It requires tremendous personal discipline to not lash out when you face betrayal, injustice or frustration. And even when you do have an outburst, it doesn't mean you've resolved the issue because anger will still remain in you like sourness remains in a squeezed lemon. By shouting, you've simply let out a bit of frustration but it starts building up again the very next moment. Those who develop anger as their coping mechanism to deal with friction remain eternally angry because life is mostly about ­disagreements.

Most people get angry when there are undercurrents of frustration, of resentment in their lives. When you give no outlet to these negative emotions, sooner or later they will manifest as anger. Today, my intention is not to give you yet another method to rise above your rage. Instead, let me give you a different perspective on anger, some food for thought. Allow me to share with you a beautiful story I read in a Jewish text once.

Hassidic master Rabbi Dovid Bidderman was the rebbe of Lelov, Poland. He was known for his kindness and esoteric knowledge of the Torah. People revered him. One day he was walking down the street when a woman approached him from behind and, for no rhyme or reason, hit him hard on his back. Before the stunned rabbi could turn around and respond, she began screaming at and beating him with even more vengeance. The rabbi fell down and curled in pain.

Suddenly, the woman stopped and cupped her mouth with both hands. The rabbi was not the man she had thought he was. She had mistaken him for her eloped husband. Feeling ashamed and guilty she apologized profusely. Rabbi Dovid got up and consoled her saying she had not beaten him but her eloped husband.

What is the moral of the story? The lady got mad at the rabbi thinking he was her husband. Had she known that was not the case, she would not have experienced a surge of anger on seeing him. Similarly, you don't actually get angry with someone for who they are but on who you think they are.

Om Namah Shivay