When They Trigger Anger in You-2

When They Trigger Anger in You-2

And often, our view about who we think someone is changes as we get to know the person bit more. A while ago someone was mad at me because one of her family members wanted to spend time at the ashram while she was against it . She had never met me but had this notion of me as a monk who was either a religious fanatic or a fake swami who misled her family member. Her first question to me was, "How do I know you are not a fraud?"

First, I kept quiet for a good few seconds, then I smiled, then I laughed and then I became serious. I was quiet at first because I wanted the question to sink in. Not in me, in her. I believe it's best to answer a question after the questioner has had the chance to hear it too. I smiled because I knew it was not a question but an attack so no answer was necessary per se. I laughed because it's always been my natural response to all challenges.

I became serious because I truly felt sorry for her. I prayed for her peace. I felt her pain. I thought she must have endured much in her own life to have this anger in her heart towards someone she hadn't even met. Somewhere, I thought, she must be angry with her loved one whom she didn't want visiting the ashram. Somewhere, she must be angry with herself. I was merely the dartboard. And, presently, I had three choices:

a. To get up and leave.

b. To respond in kind.

c. To live my principle of compassion.

The first two options were ordinary and angry choices. Besides, I wasn't upset with her but sorry for her. Her bitterness would not have gone away had I left or given it to her. Besides, I had no anger or bitterness to return. In my monk's bowl, I only carry sweets. That's all I've to offer. "What do you think I could possibly want?" I spoke softly in response. Within my heart, I sent her love, I felt she could do with some. My inner feelings, my response of just one sentence calmed her down almost instantly. I went onto say some more things and a few minutes later she was laughing out loud.

I thought her question was not greater than my principles. That her life, and therefore our world, will be a better place if there was one less person she was angry with. And this is the take home message really: when someone triggers anger in you, first of all ask yourself who are you really angry at? Secondly, carefully choose your response. After you've decided how you want to respond, let some time pass before you convey it.

When you start to check your anger with mindfulness, eventually, it will leave your system completely. At that stage, you won't have to make an effort to curb your anger, instead, you just won't feel it in you. A mind free of anger is the next best state to a mind free of thoughts.

Don't spit out your anger, don't swallow it. Rinse it with mindfulness, with compassion, with love.

Om Namah Shivay