How to Apologize-2

How to Apologize-2

To err is human; we all make mistakes. That, however, can't be the justification to repeat them. There are only two ways to show that we have realized our mistake: first, by not repeating it and second, by offering a sincere apology. The second point is my focus today, that is, how to apologize? Apologizing correctly is neither an art nor any craft. It's simply being natural and truthful. When we genuinely regret our action, the right words come out automatically and seeking forgiveness becomes easier.

An apology is restoration of faith. It is conveying that I let you down once but you can trust me that I won't put you through this again. When we make a mistake, it shakes the trust of the other person. Most positive emotions rest on trust alone. For example, when you love someone, you trust them to be the way you perceive them or the way they project themselves. But, when they act to the contrary, it betrays your trust. This betrayal causes grief and it hurts you and it affects your love and feelings for the other person.

No apology is sincere if you plan on repeating the offense. Think of a broken pot. You can put it together once if you are careful and patient but break it again and the task is lot more difficult now, almost impossible. Similarly, when you break someone's trust, they may forgive you once but if you do it again then you can't reasonably expect them to forget it and put it behind. Hence, an apology is meaningless if it's insincere. And what is a sincere apology, you may ask?

An apology is genuine when you are determined to not repeat your offense, when you offer no excuse or justification, when you take complete responsibility of your act and when you do so remorsefully. An apology without a sense of remorse is a pointless exercise. In fact, it's going to hurt the other person even more. Often, people say, "I'm sorry but I thought this or that...", or, "I'm sorry but the reason I did it was abc or xyz...", or, "I'm sorry if my actions hurt you." These are not apologies but excuses.

Conjunctions like if and but have no room in a true apology. Saying why you did it is no good either. The best apology is to understand, to feel, to completely accept, and unconditionally so, that our actions have caused pain to the other person. Don't pollute your apology by citing a reason or a justification, don't ruin it by saying it without meaning it. It'll hurt the other person even more. You can either choose an apology or an excuse, not both.

A pukka apology is about coming clean and owning up to the offense.

Om Namah Shivay