Three Ways to Keep Your Calm-1

Three Ways to Keep Your Calm-1

A relationship is not always abusive or harmonious, sometimes it simply is a dry relationship, bereft of any joy or togetherness. There’s no abuse either, but your partner’s indifference or negligence can make you feel angry and depressed.

An outburst of anger is not the same as experiencing it. It is not uncommon for people to not yell or scream yet hold a lot of anger within. Sometimes, you feel so angry and frustrated that you don’t even want to lash out for you know it won’t solve any purpose. You’ve tried it in the past and it didn’t help, the other person did not change. For your own sanity, you don’t want to get mad at someone or feel angry within. Today, I will focus on toxic anger — the anger you keep within.

Toxic anger could be the result of past incidents or something you experience in an ongoing relationship. Regardless, I bring to you three ways, coping mechanisms if you will, to preserve your peace and rid yourself of the pain and burden anger often brings. There may or may not be philosophical or empirical truth to these methods. But, you can treat them as affirmations to keep your calm. As follows:

1. I owe you

This is the most powerful of the three methods. Think of yourself as a customer of a bank. You’ve taken out a personal loan and you are paying the installments. The manager may change, the branch may relocate, the bank may be acquired but the repayments will stand. You are expected to make payments till your final breath or the final payment, whichever comes first. The bottom line is: you must pay what you owe.

The person who is your partner today, could easily have been your parent, sibling, friend, or even an enemy in your past life. They may have a different name now, a new relationship or a different body, but there are some outstanding transactions. In this affirmation, you simply have to think that you have some unfinished business with this person. He or she is your creditor. In the process, you may cultivate detachment and dispassion, you may emerge more spiritual, you may develop compassion or you may even build a stronger personal relationship with your god. At any rate, you will grow and evolve.

Someone I knew was quite sick. He was diagnosed with a terminal condition, in fact. When everyone around him was panicking and crying, he said, “Don’t worry. I must spend time in this hospital. I’ve unfinished business with the doctor here from my previous life.” Everyone became calm almost instantly.

2. I forgive you

This method requires great inner strength because it’s not easy to forgive. People often say that I’ve forgiven the other person but they still keep anger in their hearts. How do you know if you’ve truly forgiven them? Well, when their sight or their memories, good or bad, trigger no sadness, anger or restlessness in you, it means you’ve completely forgiven them. Saying I forgive you is not enough, we must feel it. And, a good way to forgive is to remember that, one, you must pay back your loans, and two, you are bigger than their mistakes. This leads me to the crux of this method:

Om Namah Shivay