36 Lessons I've Learned About Habits-5

36 Lessons I've Learned About Habits-5

Habits are situational. A habit is tied to a trigger, but really, the trigger is an environment. So if your trigger is your morning shower, that's great, but it's not the shower itself. The trigger is taking the shower in your home, getting out, seeing a something in your bathroom that somehow triggers the impulse to go and meditate (or whatever your habit is). So if you take a shower in a different bathroom in your house, or in a hotel, the trigger doesn't happen. The same is true if you got a phone call as you got out of the shower, or your wife comes and gives you a hug, both disrupting the trigger. Anyway, there's not much you can do with this info, as you can't control all the things in your environment, but being aware of subtle environmental changes that affect your habit can help you to understand what's going on.

Learn to cope in other ways. Often your bad habits are ways of coping with a real need - like needing to cope with stress or bad feelings about yourself or a fight with a loved one. The need to cope with these things won't go away, and so bad habit becomes a crutch. You can find other ways of coping that are healthier, so you don't need the crutch anymore.

Be kind to yourself. You will fail, and you can be hard on yourself and feel guilty and think that you're crap. That won't help at all. Being kind to yourself is a good habit skill, if you pair it with an adjustment that allows you to improve your habit method. To be kind to yourself: remind yourself of how hard it is to be happy, and that you're struggling to find happiness despite things that cause you stress and frustration and anger and irritation and disappointment. This is hard. Have empathy with yourself. Be understanding and compassionate. It will help you as you adjust and try again.

Perfect is the enemy. Often people strive for perfection, but this stands in the way of progress. Progress is much more important than perfection. If you find yourself not starting a habit because you want the perfect circumstances, or not meditating because you want the perfect time or space, or not writing because you want the perfect tool, or not being happy because you haven't been perfect with your habit - drop your expectations and just do the habit.

A workout partner works wonders. For exercise, the most effect method for me is to have a workout partner. That's true whether I'm going to the gym, taking a Crossfit or yoga class, going for a run or hike. When I don't have a workout partner, my frequency can often drop. This concept can be applied to any habit that you're struggling with.

Habit changes are tools for self-learning. Habit changes aren't just ways to add a new thing to your life. They're tools for learning about yourself. Through habit change, you learn about what motivates you, about self-talk and rationalization, about urges, about internal vs. external rewards, about weaknesses and kindness, about progress and empowerment. You can learn more about yourself through a few months of habit change than you have in the last decade, if you pay attention. And in that way, habit change is an extremely rewarding process, regardless of the outcome.

Om Namah Shivay